


I’m Kidding

by XxWinterKitsunexX



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Kuron Sucks, Kuron is Shiro (Voltron)'s Clone, Lance (Voltron) Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 02:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15257154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxWinterKitsunexX/pseuds/XxWinterKitsunexX
Summary: Five times Lance was joking and One time he wasn’t.—Lance feels insecure about his role as a paladin since day one and as much as this weird space family loves each other, they are really dense when it comes to feelings.





	1. Good One, Lance

**Author's Note:**

> First story I’ve written on Ao3 and for Voltron, so new things all around! Please, if there are writing mistakes or you just wanna say something nice, comment down below and let me know!
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> (This chapter takes place after ‘Greening the Cube’ in Season 2)

Lance always jokes around. Whether in the heat of battle or lounging around for an off varga or two. Maybe that’s why no one realizes when he’s not actually joking. But Lance never tells them that. Everyone’s got they’re own issues to deal with and they don’t need to add Lance’s insecurities into the mix. It still doesn’t make it hurt any less when they brush him aside thinking all he’s good for is a laugh. He’s trying to be a good a contribution to the team and help out, but they don’t seem to think he can. That’s why Lance is now standing in the middle of Green’s hanger with a tray of food for Pidge. She’s been working on upgrades for her lion ever since they left Olkarion and never once stopping to sleep or eat. 

“Hey Pidge!” Lance calls to her, but she doesn’t seem to hear. She’s probably too focused on her coding to realize he’s there, he thinks. So, he edges forward until he’s right in front of her work space. He takes his hand and waves it around in front of her face.

“Hello?!” He tries again, but this seemed to be the wrong thing to do because now Pidge looks furious and getting ready to pull her hair out.

“What the quiznack, Lance! I’m in the middle of something!” Quickly realizing the short fuse, he takes a step back.

“Whoa, relax. I just thought you might be hungry. We didn’t see you at dinner. Or breakfast or lunch for that matter.” Whether it was the smell of the food or the explanation, she seems to accept the intrusion and backs down.

“Sorry, Lance.” She says. “I guess I am a little hungry.” A small apologetic smile plays on her lips.

“Its all good, gremlin. Just eat up and relax. You’re little project will still be here when you’re done.” He tells her as he sets the tray of food beside her laptop. And before he even lets it go, she’s already digging in. While she’s preoccupied, Lance takes a look at what she’s been working on. It looks to be a lot of started files, but none of them actually completed. One of them however catches Lance’s eye and smiles wide.

“Is that a modification for your Bayard?” Pidge immediately swallows and looks back at him enthusiastically. 

“Yea! When I’m through with it, it should have the same capabilities as Green’s Bio-Blast. Not as powerful, of course, but perfect for incapacitating for a short while.” She explains. “I just can’t seem to program the Bayard to change its form.”  
“Maybe I can help?” He offers. While he may not have been the best at the simulators, he did rather well in class. He was even top of his Cargo Pilot class and that’s why he was able to replace Keith in Fighter Pilot class. However, Pidge doesn’t seem interested.

“Pfft, You? Lance, I’d be surprised if you knew how to tie your shoes.”

“Hey!” Lance shouts. He gets he might be a little lost with Pidge’s programming, but to insinuate he was as dumb as door nail is a little low.

“Well, I appreciate the distraction, but I’m gonna get back to work.” Pidge says packing up the remains of her trash onto the tray and handing it to Lance. Lance takes it, still a little lost for words. “But maybe a little help would be nice...” And just like that Lance lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, smiles softly, and just as he starts to reply, “…Can you ask Hunk on your way back to the kitchen if he can stop by?”

Suddenly, Lance feels like a brick hit him full force. Of course, Hunk’s smarter than him, so he shouldn’t be surprised, but…

“Yea, no problem Pidgey. I’ll get Hunk and tell him I’m too dumb to help you.” He snarks at her, but she doesn’t care and throws up her hand to shoo him away already becoming engrossed in her work again.

“Great, thanks.” She says half heartedly. Lance can hardly believe she thinks so little of him.

“I was kidding, you know that right? I’m not actually that dumb.” 

This only results in a chuckle from Pidge, eyes never straying from her laptop screen.

“Good one, Lance.” 

With that, Lance turns around with a frown growing on his face, staring at his reflection in the half drank cup of water in the middle of the tray.

“Yea…” He mutters. “Good one, Lance.”


	2. Are You Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Set right in between Season 5’s ‘Post mortem’. After Shiro yells at Lance and Allura and right before Lance’s BAMF broadsword moment.)

Shiro has been acting strangely lately. Lance supposes he started to notice the slight behavioral differences ever since they rescued him after their final battle with Zarkon. Lance is at a loss about how to bring it up though. Especially, since he has a short fuse these days. However, today had been a tipping point for Lance’s hesitance. Shiro keeps favoring Lotor over the team and is purposefully using his status as leader to make decisions without them. Normally, Lance would let this sort of thing fall on Keith’s shoulders because Keith knows Shiro best, but Keith is off, who knows where, for the Blade and nobody else is taking action. If that someone has to be Lance, so be it. 

Lance searches the castle even though he’s pretty sure he knows where Shiro is. The training room. Ever since Naxzela, he’s constantly training like his life depends on it. Well, his life does depend on it, Lance supposes, but that amount of training is just unnecessary. As Lance makes his way through the castle, he starts getting cold feet. He was only going to talk to him right away because he didn’t want to chicken out, but he has no idea what he wants to say to him when he sees him. Maybe, he should stop and think about what he wants to say before he says something he’ll regret. Is he procrastinating? Possibly. But better safe than sorry, Lance reassures himself. With that, Lance stops himself and prepares to turn himself around until he notices where he is.

“Oh Lance, were you going to use the training room? I was just finishing up in here.” Shiro pants after just taking down a gladiator. Lance opens his mouth only to close it again. He wishes the gladiator were still operational to put him out of his awkward misery. He takes a deep breath and goes for it.  
“I actually came to talk to you.”

It’s Shiro’s turn to look surprised. He finishes wiping away the sweat with his towel and precedes to walk over to Lance in the doorway.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?” Shiro asks worry etched on his features. It’s the classic Space Dad look. The one that’s made Lance think he’s overreacting every time he’s thought something was amiss with Shiro. But he can’t be ignorant this time.

“I’m fine. I just… Wanted to know how you are?” He treads carefully.

“Me?” Confusion written on Shiro’s face. “I’m okay. Should I not be?”

Lance frantically waves his hands, “No! That’s not what I mean! I just—Erghh!” He turns to bang his head on the doorway and rest it there. “Why is this so hard?”

“Lance,” Shiro lays on a hand on his shoulder to turn him around. “Whatever you have to say you can tell me, okay?” Lance looks up at Shiro’s kind and understanding face and steels himself one last time. This time with a more casual approach.

“Well, I’ve noticed you’re spending a lot of time in the training room now.”

“Yes, it’s good to always be prepared.” Shiro assures Lance, but Lance continues on.

“Yea, but taking a break every once in a while is okay too. With Lotor here, everyone’s been pretty tense. I just think taking a breather and maybe a nap, you’ll feel better.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Lance, but I feel fine. Really.” Shiro responds with a grin.

“But earlier on the bridge—“ Lance starts.

“Is that what this is about?” As he takes his hand from Lance’s shoulder, schooling a more cold and calculating look. “Look, I apologize for shouting at you Lance, but I don’t regret what I said.”

“But, we ARE a team Shiro. What we all say should matter.”

“And it does, but I am the leader so ultimately I have to do what’s best for the team even if they can’t see it.” 

If possible, Lance feels like he’s shrunk underneath Shiro’s looming figure. If Lance could, also, admit it, he might say he’s afraid of Shiro right now. This is not going the way he wanted it to at all. Calling it a quits for now until a better time, Lance tries to duck his way out of it.

“I’m sorry. I just thought you should know. The team really hasn’t been in sync lately, so I thought I’d go around and help everyone out, ya know.” While this does have Shiro’s intimidating figure stand back, the sinking feeling in Lance’s gut doesn’t go away.

“I see. Then can I help you out, Lance?” Lance tries to react normally, but his heart is still racing from this awkward, intense encounter with his ‘hero’. Instead, he barely manages a nod. “You should stay here in the training room.” Shiro states. “You’re performance in the field, if I have to admit, has been disappointing. Voltron can’t afford to be dragged down because of your actions. We have a universe to defend, Lance. You can’t defend it when you can barely defend yourself.” 

By the end of it Lance, can’t contain a shocked face. Shiro doesn’t even look like he’s said everything he wants to say, but he stops anyway to grab his things and prepare to leave. Lance has barely recovered before Shiro gives him some parting advice.

“You should really try to be more like Keith.”

A pin drop could be over the silence that sentence brought on. A moment later, Lance was staring down at his shoes when a dark chuckle escaped his mouth.

“I should be more like him, huh?”

After a few ticks of no response, Lance looks up expecting Shiro to be gone. Instead, Shiro stood by the training room’s control panel, punching in some data. Before Lance can ask him what he’s doing, tens of drones drop from the ceiling and begin to glow, charging up for attack. These aren’t normal drones, however. They are special bots unlocked at level 20. Lance is only on level 8.

“Holy Crow! What are you doing?!” Lance shouts as he scrambles to pull his Bayard from his armor. Forming his gun he takes aim at the formation of flying bots.

“Keith used to clear this level as a warm-up. Want to be like Keith? Start by training like him.” Shiro states as he walks out of the room.

“I was kidding!” Lance shouts desperately as the first bot strikes and Lance narrowly misses.

It becomes so chaotic with all the blaster fire, Lance almost misses Shiro’s response.

“I wish you weren’t.”


	3. What’s Your Dream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Set during Season Six ‘Monters and Mana’. A conversation had before Allura and Lance appeared to play with the rest of the team.)
> 
> AN: Why are these chapters getting longer and longer? XD

Lance feels weird. He doesn’t really know how to explain it. The best way to describe it is like he died and was resurrected because well, that’s what happened. The Omega Shield was a close call for everybody so he can’t blame anyone for not checking up on him, but it wasn’t a close call for Lance. That was it. One minute, he was there speeding to save Allura and the next, nothing. No white light, no life flashing before him, just darkness. He couldn’t even tell where the darkness ended and he began. He was nothing. If Allura hadn’t been there to save him, he would still be nothing. He’d never get bear hugs from Hunk again or tease Keith about his mullet, that he actually likes. Most importantly, he’d never see his family again. He’d have left them for good without ever saying goodbye. Lance feels sick to his stomach just thinking about his mamá mourning him. He wants to nap and forget about it, but the darkness is always there just beneath his eyelids waiting to take him. 

Frustrated, he sits up from his bed and rubs his eyes. He should really talk to someone about it, but there aren’t really any options. He can’t let the others know he died, they’d just worry about something that’s past and gone. The only one who knows is Allura and she’s always with Lotor. Besides, he doesn’t want to seem weak in front of the princess. He’s trying to impress her, not make her his therapist. 

Lance sighs and stands up stretching from his bed. He still needs some sort of distraction. He thinks about the training room, but immediately shakes his head. Best not to run into Shiro alone in there again. Possibly, the Lion hangers. However, Red, as Lance has discovered, is as bad at feelings as Keith. Blue always helped soothe him, but ever since the lion switch, Lance hasn’t felt a connection with her. Just as he’s about to give up on a distraction, a lightbulb appears. The star map on the bridge. Coran showed him how to use it a while back and Lance would always watch his Milky Way Galaxy hover in the space among the others when he was homesick. He hasn’t done it in a while, but now seemed a good time as any, Lance decided. 

As he neared the bridge, he wondered if Coran would be in there. He usually always was, but he never paid Lance any mind. Only stepping up to him if he were crying. Which really didn’t happen THAT often, Lance stubbornly thought. Maybe if Coran was in there he’d confess what happened. He’s always been there for Lance even when Hunk couldn’t. Now hoping to find Coran on the other side of the door, Lance opens it to reveal an Altean. Just not the one he wanted. 

“Why, hello Lance!” Allura chirped.

“Oh hey, Princess!” He walks onto the bridge near the podium where she stands. “What are you doing here? Where’s Lotor?”

“He’s got some business to attend to and I can’t seem to make any process with the syncline ships.” She tells him dejectedly. “I was hoping to take my mind of it for a while, but I haven’t been able to shake it quite yet.” Lance hums in response. “It certainly is strange to find you in here.” She leaves out in the open for Lance to take the cue.

“Yea, I’ve been looking for a distraction myself. Thought I’d come look at star map Coran showed me a while ago.”

“The star map!” Allura brightens as she places her hands on the pillars and the star map appears. “My father and I used to gaze at it for Vargas. Looking at at all the places we’ve never been, imagining the adventures to be had. But we would always finish finding our way back to Altea.” As she recalls, a large portion of space Lance had never seen appeared. Only, there seemed to be a huge, empty place in the middle. The remains of Altea, Lance recognizes.

“I’m sorry Allura. With this whole war thing going on, I guess we never really dwell on the casualties. We just… Keep fighting.” He apologizes, not really noticing how much it applies to himself, but Allura does. She suddenly looks at Lance with a strange face he can’t comprehend and takes his hand. 

“We don’t dwell on them enough, but we should. You are not excluded.” She firmly states. “Lance, you are perhaps the bravest person I know. Without you here, I don’t know how we could get along. How I could get along.” Lance notices she’s close to tears and pulls out a playful smirk.

“Well, geez. You’re making it sound like I’m still dead.”

“But you did die!” Allura shouts as she pounds at his chest. They both stand there as the silence hangs over them. Almost a whisper, she continues, “And for a moment, it was like losing Altea all over again.” Tears are now flowing gently from her eyes and Lance could feel his heart pounding. He had no idea the Allura felt this way about him. Getting over the initial shock, he surrounds her in a hug to reassure her.

“I’m here, okay? There’s nothing to worry about anymore. Besides, if I hadn’t done that, you could’ve died. And no one else can do that magic thing you do. You’d still be gone and we would never forgive ourselves for allowing that to happen.” He feels her clutch him a little tighter, but the tears have stopped. “I would sacrifice myself again and again for the team if it meant you guys would be safe. I have a feeling you would do the same.” Lance pulls her away to look at her face, but she doesn’t meet his eye. She knows he’s right.

“We shouldn’t have to, though…” She says and Lance nods his head in agreement as the silence falls over them once more.

“What will you do when this is over, Allura?” He asks, while Allura finally up at him in confusion. “This has all gotta end sometime, right? What do you wanna do when we’re done?” Allura seems to ponder the question for a tick before responding.

“I’ve never really thought about it. I suppose I’d stay here in the castle with Coran.” He waits for her to keep going he thinks she’s finished.

“That’s all?”

“There should be more?” She asks as he stares incredulously at her.

“Of course, there should be more!” Lance tells her throwing his arms up in the air. “Everyone needs a dream.”

“A dream…” She repeats. “What’s your dream Lance?” She questions innocently. He opens his mouth to tell her, but realizes his dream isn’t the same. Where he used to imagine settling in with some random nice girl, all he can see is wide shimmering eyes, hair soft and gentle waves, the boldest personality, and the tiny little scales just beneath her eyes.

“BUT YOU’RE ALREADY A PALADIN IN REAL LIFE!”

The shout startles them apart from each other, Lance quickly missing the warmth Allura provided.

“Well, I guess we should go see what all of the shouting’s about?” She gestures at Lance to follow, but he can’t believe the moments gone. Maybe, it’s not too late.

“Allura!” He yells out to her. She stops and turns to face him, curiosity written on her face. “I… I love you.” He manages to say looking her in the eye. After a brief moment, a single sound shatters Lance’s heart. Allura’s giggling.

“Oh lance, it’s been a while since you’ve flirted with me. I was beginning to wonder if you were alright. It’s good to see you making jokes again.” Allura smiles at him, but Lance is hurt beyond words. Of course, he could never let it show.

“Ha, yea. Just joking around.” He forcibly grins back at her.


End file.
